I've just spent the evening in the company of Arthur Daly Mk I, The Music Teacher and Deviant Boy and I'm completely smashed (I left the pub over an hour ago and I still have the hiccups). I have just discovered that I haven't lost my mobile phone despite my having informed Network 3 to the contrary.
OOPS.
This is where the world of mobile phones gets complicated...
1) I ring 3 and inform them that my phone is missing (despite my having returned home in a drunken state, throwing said mobile phone on the bed and forgetting it)
2) 3 tell me no problem, take some details, cancel my Sim Card and advise me to inform my bank (the insurers) and the PSNI (the upholders of Law and Order).
3) I then (five minutes later) inform 3 that there's no problem, my phone has been here all along and ask that my phone be re-instated.
4) 3 then informs me that my request for a new Sim Card and replacement handset has been processed. I can prevent a new hand set being issued but not a new Card. Nuts, I'm in Norn Iron and my address is registered as Dundee.
I shouldn't get drunk and misplace my stuff...
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
In vino veritas...
Okay, it's not an original name for a blogg entry, (or if it is I want copyright) but I'm smashed and so is the rest of my family, all of whom have retired for the evening, allowing me to make this surreptitious blogg entry....
It's 10:40pm and I'm as drunk as a lord....
I have just spent this Sunday afternoon in the company of my immediate family (mum, dad, sister and her L.I.S.O.) on the first full day of my annual week long summer holiday in Cloughogue (pron: Clog), Norn Iron (pron: Northern Ireland).
Family fun in the sun. For the first time ever I felt that the Tatooed Wonder was a fit suitor for the Munchkin. I've known this for years. I knew that he was good for her but I always wanted to take out a contract on him nonetheless. Today was the first time that I got along with him without the feeling that I needed a dark alley, baseball bat and prefereably three solid, combat wombat mates.
In the local parlance the Tatooed Wonder is 'Dead On'. A finer fellow I couldn't have hoped to find for The Munchkin (sorry, Bill Oddie's Love Child). It's no secret that the 'Hobbit is a snob. I would never have befriended Samwise Gamgee and the Ring would have been lost as a result but there you go. I'm frighteningly 'middle class' and the Tattooed Wonder isn't 'one of us' and by definition not good enough for the Munchkin.
Gods, but I'm a divot.
I've just spent an whole afternoon/evening in his company. Sure, he's uncouth. Sure, he hasn't had my education (on the other hand he hasn't squandered one, either). Sure, he works in an abbatoir but so what? He isn't afraid of a hard days work but I know I am. People like LBG can sympathise.
Whilst The Munchkin and Arthur Daly MkI were in a mutual appreciation fest ("I love you..," "No, I love you..."at the end of the night, waiting for her taxi, I had the opportunity for a few, private words with The Tatooed Wonder and have finally decided that I'm a worse muppet than Sam, the American Eagle. Solid bloke. 'Nuff said.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
It's 10:40pm and I'm as drunk as a lord....
I have just spent this Sunday afternoon in the company of my immediate family (mum, dad, sister and her L.I.S.O.) on the first full day of my annual week long summer holiday in Cloughogue (pron: Clog), Norn Iron (pron: Northern Ireland).
Family fun in the sun. For the first time ever I felt that the Tatooed Wonder was a fit suitor for the Munchkin. I've known this for years. I knew that he was good for her but I always wanted to take out a contract on him nonetheless. Today was the first time that I got along with him without the feeling that I needed a dark alley, baseball bat and prefereably three solid, combat wombat mates.
In the local parlance the Tatooed Wonder is 'Dead On'. A finer fellow I couldn't have hoped to find for The Munchkin (sorry, Bill Oddie's Love Child). It's no secret that the 'Hobbit is a snob. I would never have befriended Samwise Gamgee and the Ring would have been lost as a result but there you go. I'm frighteningly 'middle class' and the Tattooed Wonder isn't 'one of us' and by definition not good enough for the Munchkin.
Gods, but I'm a divot.
I've just spent an whole afternoon/evening in his company. Sure, he's uncouth. Sure, he hasn't had my education (on the other hand he hasn't squandered one, either). Sure, he works in an abbatoir but so what? He isn't afraid of a hard days work but I know I am. People like LBG can sympathise.
Whilst The Munchkin and Arthur Daly MkI were in a mutual appreciation fest ("I love you..," "No, I love you..."at the end of the night, waiting for her taxi, I had the opportunity for a few, private words with The Tatooed Wonder and have finally decided that I'm a worse muppet than Sam, the American Eagle. Solid bloke. 'Nuff said.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Irrepressible!
Dundee Rep is currently showing Monkey! at the moment and as my regular Wednesday Night Star Wars GM was occupied, myself and two of the other players went to see it based on a recommendation from Mystery Girl.
It was fantastic!
As a kid I loved the imported TV show, I couldn't get enough of it. Flying clouds, demons, heroes, cheesy special effects, sticks that grew and shrank and looked like thin Duracell batteries. It was great. Even today I can still "sing" the opening theme tune.
Tonight was even better. Whenever you see/hear a new version of something you keep comparing the two. For example, in my mind Michael Horden is Gandalf, not Sir Ian McKellan. This was different. All there was for me was the here and now. Not anything I'd read or seen before, just the stage and the actors doing a marvellous job of bring the action to life. As Chaos described it, "Pantomime with Enlightenment." The Scottish Dance Theatre did a magnifient job of choreographing the action scenes, even incorporating some 'wire-fu' into the performance.
The circular stage was very minamalist, empty execept for a few ladders along the edges for monkeys and demons to perch on or monks to hide on. Any scenery was made up of either a few sticks held by 'invisible' stage hands or those self same stage hands becoming a bridge or gate. With nothing to get in the way of the performance ad distract, scene changes were very fluid and helped the story along rather than interupting it.
It's a simple story and if you don't know it, a quick summary can be found here. If you get the chance go see it. It's in Dundee until the 20th May and then Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Glasgow.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
It was fantastic!
As a kid I loved the imported TV show, I couldn't get enough of it. Flying clouds, demons, heroes, cheesy special effects, sticks that grew and shrank and looked like thin Duracell batteries. It was great. Even today I can still "sing" the opening theme tune.
Tonight was even better. Whenever you see/hear a new version of something you keep comparing the two. For example, in my mind Michael Horden is Gandalf, not Sir Ian McKellan. This was different. All there was for me was the here and now. Not anything I'd read or seen before, just the stage and the actors doing a marvellous job of bring the action to life. As Chaos described it, "Pantomime with Enlightenment." The Scottish Dance Theatre did a magnifient job of choreographing the action scenes, even incorporating some 'wire-fu' into the performance.
The circular stage was very minamalist, empty execept for a few ladders along the edges for monkeys and demons to perch on or monks to hide on. Any scenery was made up of either a few sticks held by 'invisible' stage hands or those self same stage hands becoming a bridge or gate. With nothing to get in the way of the performance ad distract, scene changes were very fluid and helped the story along rather than interupting it.
It's a simple story and if you don't know it, a quick summary can be found here. If you get the chance go see it. It's in Dundee until the 20th May and then Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Glasgow.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
The results disturb me...again...
Ok, I'm down with Shepherd Book but 25% each Mad Cannibal, Mad Telepathic Smart Weapon or Professional Escort?? I think his parameters need to be looked into...
Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)
| Even though you are holy you have a mysterious past. You aren't married. Have you taken a vow of celibacy?  |
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
I was hoping for Sulu at the least...
Your results:
You are Chekov
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
You are Chekov
| Brash, rash and hasty, but everyone loves you.  |
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Should I just get my orange sash now...?
...or wait for my ex-neighbours to kneecap me...?
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
| Which country should you REALLY be living in? The United Kingdom You have pride in yourself and pride in your country. You believe that history and culture is an important factor to the future of your country, and that traditions and values should be upheld. You love your scones and tea, and reading soppy romance novels. The UK is where you should be... |
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Been there, done that and bought the fridge magnet...
Like the Slacker I was in London recently catching up with my school friend the Cryptic Commie. I've known him since we were both 13, studying Physics at St Colman's College, Newry. Beleive it or not I was the better physicist while we were at school but now he gets to call himself Doctor, has letters after his name and lectures on some kind of bio-physics thingy at Imperial College, London, while I'm a phone jockey for the Revenue. It appears that hard work pays off, eventually.
Anyway, I went down on Thursday and spent the evening just plain catching up and then while the Commie added to the sum totality of human knowledge on Friday, I faffed about the British Science Museum before lunch and the Natural History Museum afterwards. NOT ENOUGH TIME! I spent only about four hours in each and only scratched the surface! Those places are huge! I could have spent a week in both and still not have seen everything. The Science Museum's hall of rocketry was the high point of the visit there. I was impressed by the V2 they had there and the engines from other rockets. The history of the Black Arrow rocket was interesting, Britain's satelite launcher and oh so many other things. Draw backs? I couldn't find my way out of the central region. The stairwells aren't all that well marked (although that may be my bad sense of direction).
On to the Natural History Museum after a Thai lunch in a tiny restauraunt literally a stone's throw away. Many, many beasties, but first to the geology exhibits. More stuff than you can throw a rock at! The formation of mountains, volcanoes, earthquakes (including an earthquake simulator you can stand in!) Gemstones and all sorts of other stuff. I couldn't take it all in. Then on to the beasties. Word of advice, the Victorians went in for stuffing a lot of small, cute things. These are still on display, a trifle faded. The museum doesn't go in for this kind of thing any more but refuses to let past exhibits go to waste. DINOSAURS!! They've got lots! This was a major attraction. The skeletons of may dinosaurs were on display and were very impressive. Draw backs? Everyone wants to see the animatronic T-Rex. Don't bother, it's not that great. Look at the real things instead.
Dinner was chinese washed down by several pints of London Pride, the sponsor drink of my tour. The Commie needed persuading to eat stir-fried pigeon in London but I'd advise not to miss it. I'm certain that the pigeon in question has never heard or seen Nelson.
The next day, the piece de resistance, the British Museum itself. What Cthullu or Adventure! player could pass this one up? All points of history covered, cuniform writing, greek writing, hieroglyphs, enigmatic statues and more. It's a one-stop shop for both culties and history buffs. I loved it. Well laid out and beautifully kept, it's only drawback was it was too big (like all the others) to take in in a day. Rats.
That night there was more London Pride and a comedy club. Food was italian. Not great. Also during Saturday I took in Hyde Park, saw the Diana Monument from a distance (She's DEAD! Get over it!, Harrods (the hats were too pricey, but the coffee was good), The Monument and the Palace of Westminster. I'm such a tourist. The Commie and I also made two attempts to get into Vinopolis for a wine tasting afternoon but on the Saturday the place was shut after 4pm to the public due to a wedding and on the Sunday we couldn't get any sense out of their auto bookings system so we missed the last tour by under five minutes. Advice: check in person one day and turn up the next.
Sunday was a day of faff. Not much on. Looked at St Paul's briefly, forgot that it was a Sunday and not everyone is a heathen like us and then went onto the final highlight of the tour, the Globe Theatre. We were lucky, our tourguide was one of those great British institutions, the eccentric old lady. She gave a most wonderful idea of how the Globe would have been in Shakespeare's day and what kind of people went to see it and what the theatre would be like to visit today. It was a shame that the place doesn't put on any perforances in the winter (open to the elements)'coz I would have booked a seat in the next performance like a shot based solely on her presentation. I bought my fridge magnets here. There's also a modern exhibition centre attatched with a gret display on the theatre's history, both original and modern and a magnificent display of costumes and props. Well worth £9 of anybody's money. In fact this was the only exhibition I had to pay into all weekend.
As a final note I must mention London's transport system, both above and underground. When it's good it's very, very good; when it's bad it's horrid. It seems that at the weekends they take certain lines off to do some extra maintenance but don't advertise this until you want to use it. A bit bloody hindering awakward if you're in a rush, but this did give me the chance to explain the rules of Mornington Crescent to the Commie who had never heard of the game despite living there for a year. I don't think I left him any the wiser.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Anyway, I went down on Thursday and spent the evening just plain catching up and then while the Commie added to the sum totality of human knowledge on Friday, I faffed about the British Science Museum before lunch and the Natural History Museum afterwards. NOT ENOUGH TIME! I spent only about four hours in each and only scratched the surface! Those places are huge! I could have spent a week in both and still not have seen everything. The Science Museum's hall of rocketry was the high point of the visit there. I was impressed by the V2 they had there and the engines from other rockets. The history of the Black Arrow rocket was interesting, Britain's satelite launcher and oh so many other things. Draw backs? I couldn't find my way out of the central region. The stairwells aren't all that well marked (although that may be my bad sense of direction).
On to the Natural History Museum after a Thai lunch in a tiny restauraunt literally a stone's throw away. Many, many beasties, but first to the geology exhibits. More stuff than you can throw a rock at! The formation of mountains, volcanoes, earthquakes (including an earthquake simulator you can stand in!) Gemstones and all sorts of other stuff. I couldn't take it all in. Then on to the beasties. Word of advice, the Victorians went in for stuffing a lot of small, cute things. These are still on display, a trifle faded. The museum doesn't go in for this kind of thing any more but refuses to let past exhibits go to waste. DINOSAURS!! They've got lots! This was a major attraction. The skeletons of may dinosaurs were on display and were very impressive. Draw backs? Everyone wants to see the animatronic T-Rex. Don't bother, it's not that great. Look at the real things instead.
Dinner was chinese washed down by several pints of London Pride, the sponsor drink of my tour. The Commie needed persuading to eat stir-fried pigeon in London but I'd advise not to miss it. I'm certain that the pigeon in question has never heard or seen Nelson.
The next day, the piece de resistance, the British Museum itself. What Cthullu or Adventure! player could pass this one up? All points of history covered, cuniform writing, greek writing, hieroglyphs, enigmatic statues and more. It's a one-stop shop for both culties and history buffs. I loved it. Well laid out and beautifully kept, it's only drawback was it was too big (like all the others) to take in in a day. Rats.
That night there was more London Pride and a comedy club. Food was italian. Not great. Also during Saturday I took in Hyde Park, saw the Diana Monument from a distance (She's DEAD! Get over it!, Harrods (the hats were too pricey, but the coffee was good), The Monument and the Palace of Westminster. I'm such a tourist. The Commie and I also made two attempts to get into Vinopolis for a wine tasting afternoon but on the Saturday the place was shut after 4pm to the public due to a wedding and on the Sunday we couldn't get any sense out of their auto bookings system so we missed the last tour by under five minutes. Advice: check in person one day and turn up the next.
Sunday was a day of faff. Not much on. Looked at St Paul's briefly, forgot that it was a Sunday and not everyone is a heathen like us and then went onto the final highlight of the tour, the Globe Theatre. We were lucky, our tourguide was one of those great British institutions, the eccentric old lady. She gave a most wonderful idea of how the Globe would have been in Shakespeare's day and what kind of people went to see it and what the theatre would be like to visit today. It was a shame that the place doesn't put on any perforances in the winter (open to the elements)'coz I would have booked a seat in the next performance like a shot based solely on her presentation. I bought my fridge magnets here. There's also a modern exhibition centre attatched with a gret display on the theatre's history, both original and modern and a magnificent display of costumes and props. Well worth £9 of anybody's money. In fact this was the only exhibition I had to pay into all weekend.
As a final note I must mention London's transport system, both above and underground. When it's good it's very, very good; when it's bad it's horrid. It seems that at the weekends they take certain lines off to do some extra maintenance but don't advertise this until you want to use it. A bit bloody hindering awakward if you're in a rush, but this did give me the chance to explain the rules of Mornington Crescent to the Commie who had never heard of the game despite living there for a year. I don't think I left him any the wiser.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
When in doubt, do a Sordid quiz...
 | You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com |
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
It's 4.00am and I'm disturbed ...
Numenorean
To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla
Given the title of this blogg, this is a bad throw of the dice. Don't get me wrong, I admire the men of Westernesse but come on, really, they threw all they had away. In the imortal words of Rules Monkey, "They did it to themselves!" Aragorn II was as much a flash in the pan as Tar-Palantir. Give me the Shire any day of the week. Or failing that, Edoras. Of all the characters in LotR I identify most with Theoden, Thengel's Son.
I've just returned from a homecoming party from Horsegirl and Rules Monkey's place. They've just got back from Foreign and are glad to be back away from euros, lager and people dressed as vegetables. I'm glad to see them return, too. I've missed them over the last 18 months. Another wine drinking partner and another Bloodbowl player and teller of many glorious lies of battle. Huzzah. There's not enough of either locally.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Music? Me? I must thell the others... Oh no! I've been Shot!
I picked this qustion thingy up on Bookwoman's blog and decided to answer it for no really good reason.
Total volume of music in my iPod?
I don't own one but I do own a 512MB MP3 player. I don't use it for music, though. On the whole I tend to use it for radio plays and audio books. Currently it holds The Hunt for Red October and Big Finish's Master, a Dr Who radio play.
My lastest purchases:
Hmmm.. the last CD I bought was the sound track to The Clone Wars. I don't buy much music at all, I tend to ignore it. If I do buy music it tends to be movie soundtracks because I like 'em. There should be an emotional connection between you and your music and most modern music leaves me cold. Movie soundracks allow the movie to run in your mind and get that movie tingle going all over again. I still get spine tingles when I hear the opening bars of Star Wars every time. The Thunderbirds March, can anyone feel disheartened when they hear this?
The last CD I was given was from Ubergeek, two Medieval Babes albums: Mirabalis and their Best Of album. Nothing to do with soundtracks but I didn't buy 'em. I wouldn't have bought them myself, even though I like their stuff. Easy listening music to pass the day to.
Song I'm listening to at the moment?
Song? Like, with words? "That twould be an ecumenicithal matther!" I don't listen to songs much. Pass.
Five tracks I listen to a lot or mean a lot to me:
Star Wars March
Rebel Alliance Anthem (the throne room theme at the end of A New Hope)
The Imperial March
I'm gonna count those three as one choice. Same source. I can't help it, they got to me when I was young.
Theme to The Muppet Show
Theme to Dr. Who
Theme to BBC's production of The Lord of the Rings
The Merry-go-Round Broke Down. (Theme to Looney Tunes)
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Total volume of music in my iPod?
I don't own one but I do own a 512MB MP3 player. I don't use it for music, though. On the whole I tend to use it for radio plays and audio books. Currently it holds The Hunt for Red October and Big Finish's Master, a Dr Who radio play.
My lastest purchases:
Hmmm.. the last CD I bought was the sound track to The Clone Wars. I don't buy much music at all, I tend to ignore it. If I do buy music it tends to be movie soundtracks because I like 'em. There should be an emotional connection between you and your music and most modern music leaves me cold. Movie soundracks allow the movie to run in your mind and get that movie tingle going all over again. I still get spine tingles when I hear the opening bars of Star Wars every time. The Thunderbirds March, can anyone feel disheartened when they hear this?
The last CD I was given was from Ubergeek, two Medieval Babes albums: Mirabalis and their Best Of album. Nothing to do with soundtracks but I didn't buy 'em. I wouldn't have bought them myself, even though I like their stuff. Easy listening music to pass the day to.
Song I'm listening to at the moment?
Song? Like, with words? "That twould be an ecumenicithal matther!" I don't listen to songs much. Pass.
Five tracks I listen to a lot or mean a lot to me:
Star Wars March
Rebel Alliance Anthem (the throne room theme at the end of A New Hope)
The Imperial March
I'm gonna count those three as one choice. Same source. I can't help it, they got to me when I was young.
Theme to The Muppet Show
Theme to Dr. Who
Theme to BBC's production of The Lord of the Rings
The Merry-go-Round Broke Down. (Theme to Looney Tunes)
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
It's 5am and...oh, soddit...
Mcguffin Night 2006.
...and on the 28th day of January in the year 2006 CE, the champion was revealed to us. Showing exemplary skill and mental agility, though lacking in luck, the Mystery Girl emerged as the highest embodiment of all that makes a hero that the group has to offer.
I've been hailing the Great God Mcguffin with this ceremony on the last Saturday of January for several years now and given the gentle mocking that His high priest received tonight (on account of the ceremony not being the same any two years in a row) I thought that it was time that some of Mcguffin's tenets were codified for His greater glory this night.
The Four Facets of Mcguffinism are:
1: Wits
2: Skill
3: Luck
4: Making Things Up As You Go Along
If you an arrange these together in your life in an appropriate mix then your story will be legendary.
I'll add more to the Mcguffin Codex as He reveals His will to me. I need sleep, now.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
...and on the 28th day of January in the year 2006 CE, the champion was revealed to us. Showing exemplary skill and mental agility, though lacking in luck, the Mystery Girl emerged as the highest embodiment of all that makes a hero that the group has to offer.
I've been hailing the Great God Mcguffin with this ceremony on the last Saturday of January for several years now and given the gentle mocking that His high priest received tonight (on account of the ceremony not being the same any two years in a row) I thought that it was time that some of Mcguffin's tenets were codified for His greater glory this night.
The Four Facets of Mcguffinism are:
1: Wits
2: Skill
3: Luck
4: Making Things Up As You Go Along
If you an arrange these together in your life in an appropriate mix then your story will be legendary.
I'll add more to the Mcguffin Codex as He reveals His will to me. I need sleep, now.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Parents...and the passing of the years...
I'm not a very inquisitive hobbit. I don't ask questions about other people's lives very much. I take what is said as what is needed to be said and leave it at that. For example, I shared a flat with Laid Back Guy for about 4 years and I knew him for at least 4 before that but it was only comparitively recently that I learned that his mother was dead. He never spoke about her, directly or in passing, and I left it at that. If I needed to know, I would have been told.
The same has been true of my parent's ages. If I needed to know, I would have been told. My parents were there, part of the fixtures and fittings, so to speak. I couldn't imagine a time before them or after them. They are as permanent as the mountains.
It was my mother's 70th birthday today and I didn't know. I knew that today was her birthday, but I didn't know which one. It didn't really matter. Mum'll have a birthday this year, next year and in ten years time and so on. I suppose that if her age wasn't defined then she couldn't get any older. So when my sister told me that today was her 70th I was shocked. Not only because I'd missed a landmark birthday but because 70 is old. I can't imagine mum being old. It doesn't fit my image of her. I see her about on average twice a year and don't notice any real change, maybe her hair is a bit whiter, but that's all. I speak to her regularly and get updates on how my aunts and uncles are doing, mainly her older brothers and sisters and what age related illness the have but nothing about herself, so I assume no problems. Maybe I should ask.
As for my father, I learned his date of birth last year when I took it into my head to get him a birthdate paper for his birthday. Same story. The man's unstoppable, so long as he doesn't put his back out. He drives tens of tousands of mile a year all over Ireland making slighly dodgy deals. I've seldom seen him happier than when I saw him at Christmas, a bit greyer but still with more hair than me. When my birthday comes around at the end of the month I'll be half his age, 32, and I wish I had half his energy.
But now their ages are fixed. Each year is now n+1 and I now know their days are quite literally numbered. I feel like I'm living in a house that is on a cliff that's being undercut by the sea. I have to put up with it but I don't like it. I can't imagine the landscape without that house but I now know that the sea is going to calim it eventually.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
The same has been true of my parent's ages. If I needed to know, I would have been told. My parents were there, part of the fixtures and fittings, so to speak. I couldn't imagine a time before them or after them. They are as permanent as the mountains.
It was my mother's 70th birthday today and I didn't know. I knew that today was her birthday, but I didn't know which one. It didn't really matter. Mum'll have a birthday this year, next year and in ten years time and so on. I suppose that if her age wasn't defined then she couldn't get any older. So when my sister told me that today was her 70th I was shocked. Not only because I'd missed a landmark birthday but because 70 is old. I can't imagine mum being old. It doesn't fit my image of her. I see her about on average twice a year and don't notice any real change, maybe her hair is a bit whiter, but that's all. I speak to her regularly and get updates on how my aunts and uncles are doing, mainly her older brothers and sisters and what age related illness the have but nothing about herself, so I assume no problems. Maybe I should ask.
As for my father, I learned his date of birth last year when I took it into my head to get him a birthdate paper for his birthday. Same story. The man's unstoppable, so long as he doesn't put his back out. He drives tens of tousands of mile a year all over Ireland making slighly dodgy deals. I've seldom seen him happier than when I saw him at Christmas, a bit greyer but still with more hair than me. When my birthday comes around at the end of the month I'll be half his age, 32, and I wish I had half his energy.
But now their ages are fixed. Each year is now n+1 and I now know their days are quite literally numbered. I feel like I'm living in a house that is on a cliff that's being undercut by the sea. I have to put up with it but I don't like it. I can't imagine the landscape without that house but I now know that the sea is going to calim it eventually.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Friday, January 06, 2006
News to me...
Your Social Dysfunction: Happy You're a happy person - you have a good amount of self-esteem, and are socially healthy. While this isn't a social dysfunction per se, you're definitely not normal. Consider yourself lucky: you walk that fine line between 'normal' and being outright narcissistic. You're rare - which is something else to be happy about. | ||||
| ||||
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results. |
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
A Sordid meme...
Four jobs you've had in your life:
Jobs? Oh, yeah, jobs...
1:IT manager at Newry Youth Info Centre. This was back in the dark year of 1993-4 when I'd flunked Uni. The idea was I'd operate the two apple macs in the office and do odd jobs. It was quite pleasant, really. I had to compile a database of addresses and contact all points between BNFL and Amnesty International. The center was attatched to the Magnet, a glorified youth club thingie. The people running it were great craic. I nearly got some music knowledge.
2:Maker of granite sets for Stonebase Ltd. We took big lumps of Mourne granite and turned it into five inch cubes for driveways and things. Dull. Summer job.
3:Minion of Mecca. Christ, what a job. Paid very little for doing slightly less with some of the dregs of society. And I put up with it for seven and a half years???
4:Government Agency Man. I'm here to help. So long as you phone in. I'm now a phone jockey for the revenue. It pays more than the Mecca and has prospects. Nice.
Four movies you could watch over and over:
I've watched a few and some of them have even had a small effect on my life...
1:Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars ......
2:The Producers. The original screen version is amazing. I laugh all the way through every time. Just the notion of Springtime for Hitler is great.
3:L.A. Story.Whimsicality 'pon whimsicality! I want to be just like Harris when I grow up. If only I could meet a nice motorway sign like that. Sometimes I see a lot of myself in Harris so maybe this film is just a bit narcissistic.
4:Casablanca. Nazis, romance, angst, shady fat men and all shot in a film noir style. Can't say fairer than that.
Four places you've lived:
I've been about a bit, but not all that much...
1:Poyntzpass. I spent my formative years growing up in this small village. Crossroads, railway platform, canal and three pubs. I loved it. One of the pubs belonged to my father and was a great place for a kid to grow up.
2:Rostrevor. It's a lot more interesting than Wikipedia makes out. If nothing else, it's also responsible for Deviant Boy. If you get the chance, go there, the whole Carlingford region is naturally stunning.
3:Jonesborough. It's a lot less interesting than the website makes out. It's main claim to fame is that the North/South border is literally a stone's throw away. Handy if you've got to run from the security services... There's always the Jonesborough Market, I suppose. Illict gear here.
4:Dundee. As cities go, it's not too bad. Not too big/small, noisy/quiet etc. Lacks a decent 2nd hand book shop.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
I used to watch a lot, now I just snatch the necessary...
1:Doctor Who. Like Sordid, I can't imagine life without it. It's part of me, now. It forms some of my earliest memories, such as Dr Who and the Jellyfish (The Horror of Fang Rock) and Dr Who and the Worms (Image of the Fendahl). I was only 3. I think waiting for Fang Rock is my earlist memory.
2:Scrapheap Challenge. Big machines, engines, badly bodged bangers and brilliant boats. Nuff said.
3:Sharpe. It's not a patch on the books but it has a repeat viewing quality.
4:Bugs Bunny.Not designed for the TV but it's now the medium he's been associated with. Few things can cause me to drop everything as fast as an original Bugs cartoon. I also include in this category any Warner Bros cartoon between 1941 to 1970 and any WB cartoon post Tiny Toons including Animaniacs. There is also a lot to be said for Hanna Barberra cartoons from Tom and Jerry onwards, although they also produced a lot of dross. Please do not enjoy, however, any Chuck Jones Tom and Jerry. He may have understood the Road Runner, he didn't understand T&J.
Four places you've been on holiday:
Like Stu, I've not had a passport for the preceding 32 yrs but...
1:Rathlin Island.. Not a lot to do if you're 7 yrs old but fascinating to look back on and ask, "Why didn't I like that Holiday?". The Lighthouses are a must.
2:Bantry. If you want sunburn in Eire, this is the place for you. I still put this location down to the reason why I still wear jackets in the summer and it was over 25 yrs ago.
3:Mount Stewart. I was on holiday when I visited. Does that count? The finest National Trust site I've ever visited, and I've visited a few.
4:Sligo. Wet and majestic. God's Rock Garden.
Four websites you visit daily:
Daily websites....Hmm....
1:Nation States. I may get my nation's income tax below 60% some day...
2:DURPS Forum. Where all the loonies hang out...
3:BBC7. Hancock to Cybermen. 'Nuff said...
4:SixFoot Hobbit. It's my home page. Those links along the left hand side are handy...
Four of your favourite foods:
MMMMmmmmmmmmm....Food....
1: Breakfast...
2:Lunch...
3:Dinner...
4:Supper...
Do I come accross as a fat bastard? Good.
Four places you'd rather be:
1:Gallifrey...
2:Coruscant
3:Middle Earth
4:Somewhere warmer than Dundee...
Four albums you can't live without:
That's a music question, pass...
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Jobs? Oh, yeah, jobs...
1:IT manager at Newry Youth Info Centre. This was back in the dark year of 1993-4 when I'd flunked Uni. The idea was I'd operate the two apple macs in the office and do odd jobs. It was quite pleasant, really. I had to compile a database of addresses and contact all points between BNFL and Amnesty International. The center was attatched to the Magnet, a glorified youth club thingie. The people running it were great craic. I nearly got some music knowledge.
2:Maker of granite sets for Stonebase Ltd. We took big lumps of Mourne granite and turned it into five inch cubes for driveways and things. Dull. Summer job.
3:Minion of Mecca. Christ, what a job. Paid very little for doing slightly less with some of the dregs of society. And I put up with it for seven and a half years???
4:Government Agency Man. I'm here to help. So long as you phone in. I'm now a phone jockey for the revenue. It pays more than the Mecca and has prospects. Nice.
Four movies you could watch over and over:
I've watched a few and some of them have even had a small effect on my life...
1:Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars ......
2:The Producers. The original screen version is amazing. I laugh all the way through every time. Just the notion of Springtime for Hitler is great.
3:L.A. Story.Whimsicality 'pon whimsicality! I want to be just like Harris when I grow up. If only I could meet a nice motorway sign like that. Sometimes I see a lot of myself in Harris so maybe this film is just a bit narcissistic.
4:Casablanca. Nazis, romance, angst, shady fat men and all shot in a film noir style. Can't say fairer than that.
Four places you've lived:
I've been about a bit, but not all that much...
1:Poyntzpass. I spent my formative years growing up in this small village. Crossroads, railway platform, canal and three pubs. I loved it. One of the pubs belonged to my father and was a great place for a kid to grow up.
2:Rostrevor. It's a lot more interesting than Wikipedia makes out. If nothing else, it's also responsible for Deviant Boy. If you get the chance, go there, the whole Carlingford region is naturally stunning.
3:Jonesborough. It's a lot less interesting than the website makes out. It's main claim to fame is that the North/South border is literally a stone's throw away. Handy if you've got to run from the security services... There's always the Jonesborough Market, I suppose. Illict gear here.
4:Dundee. As cities go, it's not too bad. Not too big/small, noisy/quiet etc. Lacks a decent 2nd hand book shop.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
I used to watch a lot, now I just snatch the necessary...
1:Doctor Who. Like Sordid, I can't imagine life without it. It's part of me, now. It forms some of my earliest memories, such as Dr Who and the Jellyfish (The Horror of Fang Rock) and Dr Who and the Worms (Image of the Fendahl). I was only 3. I think waiting for Fang Rock is my earlist memory.
2:Scrapheap Challenge. Big machines, engines, badly bodged bangers and brilliant boats. Nuff said.
3:Sharpe. It's not a patch on the books but it has a repeat viewing quality.
4:Bugs Bunny.Not designed for the TV but it's now the medium he's been associated with. Few things can cause me to drop everything as fast as an original Bugs cartoon. I also include in this category any Warner Bros cartoon between 1941 to 1970 and any WB cartoon post Tiny Toons including Animaniacs. There is also a lot to be said for Hanna Barberra cartoons from Tom and Jerry onwards, although they also produced a lot of dross. Please do not enjoy, however, any Chuck Jones Tom and Jerry. He may have understood the Road Runner, he didn't understand T&J.
Four places you've been on holiday:
Like Stu, I've not had a passport for the preceding 32 yrs but...
1:Rathlin Island.. Not a lot to do if you're 7 yrs old but fascinating to look back on and ask, "Why didn't I like that Holiday?". The Lighthouses are a must.
2:Bantry. If you want sunburn in Eire, this is the place for you. I still put this location down to the reason why I still wear jackets in the summer and it was over 25 yrs ago.
3:Mount Stewart. I was on holiday when I visited. Does that count? The finest National Trust site I've ever visited, and I've visited a few.
4:Sligo. Wet and majestic. God's Rock Garden.
Four websites you visit daily:
Daily websites....Hmm....
1:Nation States. I may get my nation's income tax below 60% some day...
2:DURPS Forum. Where all the loonies hang out...
3:BBC7. Hancock to Cybermen. 'Nuff said...
4:SixFoot Hobbit. It's my home page. Those links along the left hand side are handy...
Four of your favourite foods:
MMMMmmmmmmmmm....Food....
1: Breakfast...
2:Lunch...
3:Dinner...
4:Supper...
Do I come accross as a fat bastard? Good.
Four places you'd rather be:
1:Gallifrey...
2:Coruscant
3:Middle Earth
4:Somewhere warmer than Dundee...
Four albums you can't live without:
That's a music question, pass...
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
It's 4:00pm and I'm a bit hungover...
So, it's January the first, two thousand and six. Whoot.
Two thousand and five wasn't a bad year all in all, new flat, new job and new.... Well that was it, really. No major overall change in life, just a slight upgrade in the amount of junk I can buy. However, it's a start. A firm foundation that can be built on. Must make concerted effort to get that life thing this year. All the bits are there, I just need to assemble it into something recognisable. Insert aspiration A into job slot B to get to upgraded lifestyle C. Use freshly assembled lifestyle to acquire MOS and gain life D. Or somesuch. I think the drinking until 7:00am hasn't done much for my writing. I'll take this thread up later.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Two thousand and five wasn't a bad year all in all, new flat, new job and new.... Well that was it, really. No major overall change in life, just a slight upgrade in the amount of junk I can buy. However, it's a start. A firm foundation that can be built on. Must make concerted effort to get that life thing this year. All the bits are there, I just need to assemble it into something recognisable. Insert aspiration A into job slot B to get to upgraded lifestyle C. Use freshly assembled lifestyle to acquire MOS and gain life D. Or somesuch. I think the drinking until 7:00am hasn't done much for my writing. I'll take this thread up later.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Monday, December 26, 2005
I'm glad I'm not A+...
Starting Christmas Day with a hangover is never a good start (curiously, starting New Year's Day is...) The traditional winterfest orgy of gift giving and feasting is now closed in here in the shadow of Cloughogue Mountain (Clog, to the uneducated). Lootwise this year I've done not badly, new coat, £25 in Waterstone's vouchers and an RC Plane. Nice. The Munchkin was very pleased (read: ecstatic) with the corset from 'Muffin. Better than advertised. Use the link, that's what it's there for. I can't wait to see the coat I commissioned from her, now. All in all a very satisfactory day. Everyone loved my gifts and that's what matters to me 'coz I love giving the stuff away.
It wasn't until after 1:00am and after my father had finished giving me a crash course in the art of Irish Coffee making (2 in thecoursee of 10 minutes, he doesn't like 'em) that I got on to the main audio visual entertainment of the day. Not a new DVD or CD, not the Christmas Day main feature on the terrestrial channels, not the Queen's speech but that little known British Sci-Fi show, Doctor Who. I loved it! More power to David Tennant, just the right amount! Why can't I live in this UK? How do I get to vote for Harriet Jones? I have to wait until the Spring for more? Unfair!
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
It wasn't until after 1:00am and after my father had finished giving me a crash course in the art of Irish Coffee making (2 in thecoursee of 10 minutes, he doesn't like 'em) that I got on to the main audio visual entertainment of the day. Not a new DVD or CD, not the Christmas Day main feature on the terrestrial channels, not the Queen's speech but that little known British Sci-Fi show, Doctor Who. I loved it! More power to David Tennant, just the right amount! Why can't I live in this UK? How do I get to vote for Harriet Jones? I have to wait until the Spring for more? Unfair!
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
It's 02:20 am and I'm totally smashed...
You know, I'm beginning to think these titles are a bit repetitive...
It's been almost a month since my last post and it's now Christmas Eve/Day. Tonight has been the night of my annual drunken night out with my old school friend the Cryptic Commie. As is the habit with most of my friends, he spent most of the evening not catching up on the last year but berating me on my lack of significant other. I responded that as he's two months older than I that he should put his own house in order first, dodging the issue at every twist and turn.
Now, an hour, after I've left him I realize that I've opened myself to a charge of hypocrisy. For the last two or three months I've been berating Laid Back Guy to pursue an old flame that he encountered in Waterstones, Dundee. He ran into this old flame in my company and after we'd left he made an off hand remark, "Why didn't I, when I had the chance?" I haven't let it lie since. Oops.
To prove my timidity C.C. went on the pull to show how easy it was and within 5 minutes he had his new conquests 'phone number. Whoot. I pointed out to him that this wasn't the point and continued to argue it back and forth for the rest of the evening.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
It's been almost a month since my last post and it's now Christmas Eve/Day. Tonight has been the night of my annual drunken night out with my old school friend the Cryptic Commie. As is the habit with most of my friends, he spent most of the evening not catching up on the last year but berating me on my lack of significant other. I responded that as he's two months older than I that he should put his own house in order first, dodging the issue at every twist and turn.
Now, an hour, after I've left him I realize that I've opened myself to a charge of hypocrisy. For the last two or three months I've been berating Laid Back Guy to pursue an old flame that he encountered in Waterstones, Dundee. He ran into this old flame in my company and after we'd left he made an off hand remark, "Why didn't I, when I had the chance?" I haven't let it lie since. Oops.
To prove my timidity C.C. went on the pull to show how easy it was and within 5 minutes he had his new conquests 'phone number. Whoot. I pointed out to him that this wasn't the point and continued to argue it back and forth for the rest of the evening.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
C'thullu Live 2005
This was the fourth of these almost annual events run by some very good friends of mine here in Dundee. This time, however, I was involved behind the scenes right from the word go with scenario construction and character development. I never before appreciated how much effort goes into one of these events. We spent approximately 8 weeks in preparation for the night choosing props, setting and reviewing and discarding set piece scenes that would cause maximum terror in our hapless victims. It was all worth it. There were screams aplenty from both the male and female players and I look forward to having another go at it in 2006.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
More Tolkein Humour...
I was faffing about on the 'net (as you do) and I came accross this little gem that put me in mind of my fabled "Complete history of Sauron in under a minute" routine...
THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS.
AINULINDALE:
ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.
VALAQUENTA:
MANWE: I'm in charge!
VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.
VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things.
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.
ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.
YAVANNA: I make things grow.
NIENNA: I'm sad.
ULMO: I live in the ocean.
AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.
NESSA: I dance.
OROME: I hunt!
VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.
TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.
MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-
TULKAS: Grar.
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.
QUENTA SILMARILLION:
VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?
MELKOR: Want shiny.
VALAR: Nope.
MELKOR: Why not?
VALAR: Because you're a jerk.
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.
ELVES: AUGH!
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.
MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.
FEANOR: I've made more shiny!
VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.
MELKOR: Got the shinies!
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!
MELKOR: You can't have 'em.
UNGOLIANT: Grar.
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*
FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
LUTHIEN: La la la
MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*
BEREN: Got your shiny!
MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square!
CARCHAROTH: Grar.
BEREN: Ow!
THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: 's in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand's not here.
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!
BEREN: *dies*
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.
MANDOS: ... oh all right.
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*
BEREN: *returns to life*
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!
FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*
LUTHIEN: *dies again*
BEREN: *dies again*
DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!
FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!
DIOR: *dies*
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*
FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!
MORGOTH: Eek!
VALAR: Got your shinies!
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*
MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*
VALAR: Well... um... okay.
AKALLABETH:
VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!
EDAIN: Cool!
VALAR: Don't come looking for us.
EDAIN: Okay.
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3
NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?
ELVES: You're human?
NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?
VALAR: No.
NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.
ELVES: Fine.
ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.
NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.
ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?
ELVES: No.
TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?
GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.
AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.
TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!
AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!
SAURON: Okay.
AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.
SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.
AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .
ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!
SAURON: *makes chicken noises*
AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!
ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.
AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!
VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*
AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!
ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!
NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!
NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.
SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.
OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE:
ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though!
DWARVES: Yeah, seriously.
ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff?
ELVES: Okay!
SAURON: They fell for it.
SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD!
NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago?
CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap?
SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL?
ELVES: AUGH!
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.
SAURON: Make me.
ISILDUR: Whack.
SAURON: Ow.
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.
ISILDUR: No.
ELROND: This sucks.
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch!
SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur.
SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea.
RING: No I'm not.
THE WISE: Augh.
THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you!
RING: *melts*
SAURON: AUGH!
MORDOR: BOOM.
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!
GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!
CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!
Decided after I read this that I wished to emulate Bookwoman and Slacker in doing a spot of writing. Watch this space.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS.
AINULINDALE:
ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.
VALAQUENTA:
MANWE: I'm in charge!
VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.
VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things.
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.
ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.
YAVANNA: I make things grow.
NIENNA: I'm sad.
ULMO: I live in the ocean.
AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.
NESSA: I dance.
OROME: I hunt!
VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.
TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.
MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-
TULKAS: Grar.
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.
QUENTA SILMARILLION:
VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?
MELKOR: Want shiny.
VALAR: Nope.
MELKOR: Why not?
VALAR: Because you're a jerk.
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.
ELVES: AUGH!
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.
MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.
FEANOR: I've made more shiny!
VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.
MELKOR: Got the shinies!
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!
MELKOR: You can't have 'em.
UNGOLIANT: Grar.
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*
FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
LUTHIEN: La la la
MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*
BEREN: Got your shiny!
MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square!
CARCHAROTH: Grar.
BEREN: Ow!
THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: 's in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand's not here.
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!
BEREN: *dies*
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.
MANDOS: ... oh all right.
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*
BEREN: *returns to life*
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!
FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*
LUTHIEN: *dies again*
BEREN: *dies again*
DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!
FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!
DIOR: *dies*
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*
FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!
MORGOTH: Eek!
VALAR: Got your shinies!
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*
MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*
VALAR: Well... um... okay.
AKALLABETH:
VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!
EDAIN: Cool!
VALAR: Don't come looking for us.
EDAIN: Okay.
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3
NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?
ELVES: You're human?
NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?
VALAR: No.
NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.
ELVES: Fine.
ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.
NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.
ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?
ELVES: No.
TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?
GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.
AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.
TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!
AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!
SAURON: Okay.
AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.
SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.
AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .
ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!
SAURON: *makes chicken noises*
AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!
ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.
AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!
VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*
AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!
ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!
NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!
NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.
SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.
OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE:
ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though!
DWARVES: Yeah, seriously.
ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff?
ELVES: Okay!
SAURON: They fell for it.
SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD!
NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago?
CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap?
SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL?
ELVES: AUGH!
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.
SAURON: Make me.
ISILDUR: Whack.
SAURON: Ow.
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.
ISILDUR: No.
ELROND: This sucks.
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch!
SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur.
SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea.
RING: No I'm not.
THE WISE: Augh.
THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you!
RING: *melts*
SAURON: AUGH!
MORDOR: BOOM.
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!
GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!
CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!
Decided after I read this that I wished to emulate Bookwoman and Slacker in doing a spot of writing. Watch this space.
Blogging on and off since January 2004.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I have returned...
What have I done since my last posting?
Seen freinds and got drunk at least three times, twice at fancy dress parties.
Changed shifts at work so that I can game more often.
Had my computer broken by Jamalen, but it's ok, he arranged for its replacement on the cheap.
Argued with Telewest a lot.
Fixed my new computer with help from Muffin so that I can tell you all about it.
Organised a Call of C'thullu LRP.
Had my car fail it's MOT so now I'm a pedestrian again.
Bought my sister's Christmas present.
Bought my christmas present.
Faffed.
Now on with the ripping off of other perple's bloggs. Huzzah!
Seen freinds and got drunk at least three times, twice at fancy dress parties.
Changed shifts at work so that I can game more often.
Had my computer broken by Jamalen, but it's ok, he arranged for its replacement on the cheap.
Argued with Telewest a lot.
Fixed my new computer with help from Muffin so that I can tell you all about it.
Organised a Call of C'thullu LRP.
Had my car fail it's MOT so now I'm a pedestrian again.
Bought my sister's Christmas present.
Bought my christmas present.
Faffed.
Now on with the ripping off of other perple's bloggs. Huzzah!
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